Surrender

Hello, two people who read this (Hi, Kristi!! Thanks for being faithful!). So here's my question: What does it actually look like to "surrender" your plans to God? Does it mean ceasing to desire it altogether? Or is it simply drawing the bottom line that you want what the Lord has for you no matter how much that differs from what you want. Surrender is something we always aspire to, but can we even define it? Or give someone practical steps to do so?
Random, I know...but it's been on my heart a lot lately.
Totally off topic, I love teaching my preschoolers Scripture! We have been talking about one fruit of the Spirit each month (Sept.=love, Oct.=joy, Nov.=peace, etc.). With each fruit, we learn a Bible verse. I cannot tell you the joy it brings to my spirit when I hear little four-year-old voices saying, "His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7b." Another great thing, hearing them explain what love, joy, and peace actually are. It's actually more difficult than it sounds coming up with preschool age-appropriate definitions for these character traits. Love is easy. Joy, a little bit more difficult but not bad. Peace--wow. How do you even describe peace to four-turning-five-year-olds? I really struggled with this for a few days in preparation for the lesson. Here's what I came up with (or should I say, what the Spirit gave me): Peace is knowing deep down in your heart that everything's going to be O.K. because God is in charge. That's basically what peace is, right? Hearing my kids define peace this way and tell me that they "prayed for God's peace to know it's O.K." when they were scared of the dark the night before is absolutely amazing.
Maybe you have to be a teacher to understand. Or a parent. But watching kids internalize and really comprehend God's Word and character is indescribable. Ok, gotta go eat lunch. See ya Tuesday, Kristi :)

School Year Jitters

Hello. Been awhile (then again, if you go by number of post comments...not many people read this anyways--oh well, it's a good processing tool for me). So our summer program here at Vineyard Christian Preschool is coming to an end and that leads me to think about the coming year.
A lot of things are changing for me. I am teaching a different level (pre-k instead of four's); I will have about 24 5-year-olds every day, as opposed to a max of 12; I will have a full time aide in the classroom with me at all times (I love to be goofy with my kids and the prospect of having a second pair of adult eyes in the room is making me nervous); and the preschool is the fullest overall that it has ever been. A lot to think about and bring before the Lord.
I am very excited for the Summer Program to end and to get back into the daily routine that the kids (and I) so need. I know that the Lord is going to show Himself in new and exciting ways as I begin the school year in a few weeks. Next week is in-sevice where we get all of the classrooms ready--so if you have any free time, I could definitely use some help. I'm dead serious. Call, email, or respond to this post if you can help. Putting up bulletin board paper should be a two-person job (but I'm sure it would be fun to watch me doing it by my lonesome...you'd hear a lot of "Oh...my...goodness!!!" and "Are you kidding me?!").
As always, I keep praying that God would help me be a consistent example of His character to the kids in my class. It's a lot harder than it may seem. But, after all, nothing is impossible with Christ. I'm banking on that. And I just know that He is going to bring me so much joy as I continue to strive after Him. With His help, my classroom will reflect His love and His PEACE! I covet your prayers as always and look forward to sharing more kid quotes with you. Sorry I haven't been keeping them up. Near the end of summer, the kids lose a little bit of their cuteness :).
Well, may God continue to bless you as you walk with Him. May we always awake eagerly expectant of what He plans to do with us and with our day!

Something to Pray About

Hello, everyone--assuming anyone actually reads this :). As you probably know, I returned last week from a mission trip to Albania. While there, I heard about a great opportunity that I am considering and praying about. There is a guy opening up an American school (K-12) for Albanian kids in the capital city of Prishtina in Kosova. Although I have already made a commitment to my current job--which I love--they are planning to expand next year and I am told that they are looking for American Christian teachers. Sounds like an awesome opportunity, right? So, if you think about it, I would really covet your prayers. I know it seems like a long time from now, but I think I am going to try to do as much as I can now so that I know if it is even an option for me. Who knows what God has in store?
Other than that, everything is pretty much back to normal. I'd like to give a shout out to the Browns--givin' East Coast flava to our family clan. Seriously, it was great spending time with all of you. Hopefully my parents will let me yoink some frequent flyer miles so I can come visit y'all sometime in the next year or so.

I'm Home Safe and Sound

Hello from America! I am back and loving the cooler temps! We had no major hiccups with our travels and were blessed with good times with the students. This year was a lot harder for me spiritually and emotionally than in previous years...a very different feel. I will definitely need some time to pray through everything and let God speak to my experiences before I make judgements about this trip and anything in the future.

Traveling home was actually a lot easier than I anticipated. A lot of hysterical laughter...good stuff. But the kind of stuff that only works if you're there and haven't had much sleep, ya know? Thanks to all of you who read this, responded, and/or prayed for me and the rest of the team during our trip. God is good and I know that He will do some amazing things in the lives of the students who came. You are all such a blessing (especially you, chris hubblinteets) and I so appreciate your love and prayers. Can't wait to see you!!

It's Stinkin' Hot, But God is Good!

Hello, everyone! I hope more than one person is checking this for updates. If you have time, please leave me a comment. It gets lonely over here without all of you!

Things are going very well despite the heat. It is oppressively hot. To the point that my dad\teaching partner and I have been ending classes early and going to the hotel restaurant to drink a cool beverage and finish our lesson with writing\discussion questions. It's not that much cooler at the hotel, but at least we have refreshments. I have never been this hot for this long in my life. We literally all sweat through our clothes all day every day. It's like 90 degrees by 8AM and 100% humidity with no breeze whatsoever.

I gave a devotional this morning at our daily staff meeting (Albanian, Kosovar, and Americans) about being still and listening for the voice of the Lord. That is one of my major prayers as I serve here. That I would continually be in a posture of listening and stillness of heart, so that I may hear what God has to say to me (Habbakuk 2:1). I would encourage you all to do the same.

But God is good! After a somewhat shaky first day of teaching for me two days ago (what can you expect on only a few hour sleep in nearly 48 hours?), things went much better today. My students are opening up and having more fun in class. Please continue to pray because starting today at 5PM, one of the translators and I will be meeting individually with the girls in my class to share the 4 spiritual laws with them. I know that God will do a mighty work, but it's still nerve racking.

Oh, and please pray for team unity among us Americans. We've had some drama. Not major, but enough to create hurt feelings and a little bit of division. It's all been addressed, but that doesn't mean the baggage is gone. Luckily, the team member who was puking all night a few days ago (John Klewer) is feeling much better and we haven't had any other health issues thus far.

I love you all and appreciate your support! If I don't get out of this internet cafe soon, I'm seriously going to die of heat. Cotton pickin' humidity!!!

P.S. No adorable, manly, Godly men found yet. There's still time!

I'm Here and Very Sweaty!!

Well, we made it to Albania. No major hiccups or issues. We are all pretty tired, but that's besides the point. In about 45 minutes, we are going to start testing the students and putting them into classes according to their English skills. It will definitely be an interesting time in the classroom...for those of you whoa aren't aware, my dad is my teaching partner. He's good for me...keeps me from taking anything too seriously. And I'm there to keep him out of trouble.

I am actually feeling a lot more insecure about everything than I ever have in the past. Maybe I am just exhausted. Quick prayer request: I am a light sleeper and my body keeps me from sleeping much. Add to that, we have a very loud and persistent snorer in our room. Very tough to get a good night's sleep.

Classes will start tomorrow, I think...we're not sure because the students came a day earlier than we thought. Well, I had better go. I will do my best to update this daily. I love you all and please continue to pray that God's will be done.

It Pays to Have Faith!!

I've got it!! My passport has arrived. Funny story--my mom and I left at 5AM this morning for the Federal Building in West LA. Got in line at about 5:50 with about 50 people ahead of us (the office actually opened at 7AM). After waiting for about 2.5 hours in that line, we were sent to another line, and from there to a waiting room where we spent at least another hour. I got up to a window and was told that I should just go home and wait for it to arrive. If the guy hadn't been so nice, I think I would have hit him (just kidding...darn that bulletproof glass). So as we're leaving the building feeling a bit defeated and very tired, my dad calls to say that he went to my apartment and it was there on my welcome mat! Yeah!! My parents are honestly my heros! What would I have done without them? They made it possible for me to be in two places at once (actually 3--my dad also went to the post office to check on it). God is good. He was good yesterday in the midst of the discouragement and stress, just as He is today in my small victory, and just as He will continue to be forevermore. My circumstances don't change His immutable character--but it sure does try my faith! But He has spoken: I'M GOING TO ALBANIA, BABY!!

It Gets Even Worse

Well, the discouragement continues. My passport is lost somewhere between the LA passport agency and the post office. The tracking number I was given on Sunday morning (as it was supposedly shipped out on Saturday afternoon) is not valid. Therefore, the postal service has no record of it. So basically I am stuck. No one knows where my passport is and it's getting down to the wire.
My mom and I are going down to the LA office tomorrow morning to camp out in front of the building (2 hours before it opens=6AM!!) so that I will hopefully be one of the first in line. Special shout out to my friends at work who are being gracious enough to cover me. Because it is the government's fault and because it won't get to me in time, I can request a "rewrite" of my application and passport. This is still no guarantee. Needless to say, I am thoroughly discouraged. Please continue to pray for this situation and for me. My spirit is pretty crushed right now.

Snippets from the Last Few Days of Devotionals in "Streams in the Desert"

If anyone still reads this, you may get tired of reading quotes from my favorite devotional "Streams in the Desert." Well, either get over it or stop visiting this site. I love that book and especially over the last few days--with all the passport drama--have found much encouragement in it. So here are some snippets from the last few days that have spoken to my spirit during this time of great stress:

"The Lord, when He hath given great faith, hath been known to try it by long delayings. He has suffered His servants' voices to echo in their ears as from a brazen sky. They have knocked at the golden gate, but it has remained unmovable, as though it were rusted upon its hinges...Thus have true saints continued long in patient waiting without reply, not because their prayers were not vehement, nor because they were unaccepted, but becaust it so pleased Him who is Sovereign, and who gives according to His own pleasure. If it pleases Him to bid our patience exercise itself, shall He not do as He will with His own?!...There is no such thing as prayer unanswered or unnoticed by God, and somethings that we count refusals or denials are simply delays. Christ sometimes delays His help that He may try our faith and quicken our prayers."

"Unbelief sees God through circumstances, as we sometimes see the sun shorn of his rays through smoky air; but faith puts God between itself and circumstances, and looks at them through Him."

"Be willing to live by believing and neither think nor desire to live in any other way. Be willing to see every outward light extinguished, to see the eclipse of every star in the blue heavens, leaving nothing but darkness and perils around, if God will only leave in thy soul the inner radiance, the pure bright lamp which faith has kindled."

On the Verge of Tears

I write this blog with tears welling in my eyes. After two more calls to the authorities, I am now almost convinced that they have simply lost my passport application. There have been 3 expedites placed on it (in the computer...big whoop) and it has been "being processed" for at least two weeks now. I can't get any information out of anyone and not one of the customer service reps I've talked to has said anything about me getting it in time to go on my trip. I keep calling the passport agency in LA to see if I can get it done there instead, but the call volume has been too high so they won't even put me on hold. I am stuck and I am scared. After some good advice from some wonderful ladies at work, I am going to continue to prepare for my trip as if my passport was in my mailbox at this very moment. I was very discouraged and seriously thought about not packing or preparing any more until I knew for sure. But a colleague of mine reminded me that God is watching how I react to this situation and He wants to see me respond in faith. So I'm going to keep going until there is a definite "No" from Him. Please continue to pray and also ask that the Lord will calm my nerves, as I have been on the verge of tears all day today (and I still have 6 days left before I HOPEFULLY leave). "Wait for the Lord; be strong, take heart and wait for the Lord."

Nightmare

After two calls to the passport agency and nearly two hours spent on hold (special thanks to my friend Allie for making one of those annoying calls for me while I was at work), the nightmare continues. I paid nearly $300 to expedite my application. Normally that guarantees that your application will be processed and your passport sent out in 10 business days. Due to high demand--which I'm sure everyone has heard about--they now guarantee your passport in 2-3 weeks. It has been five weeks since I sent my application in. The customer service lady put "another expedite" on my application and guaranteed delivery by July 17th. We are supposed to leave on the 18th. Not cool. Then she told Allie (pretending to be me) to just keep calling back to check on the status of my application. Like I have time to call and spend at least an hour on hold several times a day! When I got the news, I literally had to leave my training meeting for a few minutes and cry. I am so incredibly frustrated and my nerves can't take much more. I know that I've asked you to pray before, but please throw up a few extra ones this week, ok? I know that God is sovereign and that He will accomplish His will in this situation--I'm just getting a little scared that His will could be for me not to go at all. I just keep praying and repeating the words of the man in Mark who asked for healing: "I believe. Help my unbelief."

Streams in the Desert Devotional for July 9th

Isaiah 48:10: I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction.
"Does not the Word come like a soft shower, assuaging the fury of the flame? Let the affliction come--God has chosen me...Sickness, thou mayest intrude; but I have a balsam ready--God has chosen me. Whatever befall me in this vale of tears, I know that He has chosen me. Fear not, Christian; Jesus is with thee. In all thy fiery trials, His presence is both thy comfort and safety. He will never leave one whom He has chosen for His own. 'Fear not, for I am with thee,' is His sure word of promise to His chosen ones in the furnace of affliction." C.H. Spurgeon
"Pain's furnace heat within me quivers,
God's breath upon the flame doth blow;
And all my heart in anguish shivers
And trembles at the fiery glow;
And yet I whisper, 'As God will!'
And in the hottest fire hold still.
He comes and lays my heart, all heated,
On the hard anvil, minded so
Into His own fair shape to beat it
With His great hammer, blow on blow;
And yet I whisper, 'As God will!'
And at His heaviest blows hold still.
He takes my softened heart and beats it;
The sparks fly off at every blow;
He turns it o'er and o'er and heats it,
And lets it cool, and makes it glow;
And yet I whisper, 'As God will!'
And in His mighty hand hold still.
Why should I murmur? for the sorrow
Thus only longer-lived would be;
The end may come, and will tomorrow,
When God has done His work in me;
So I say trusting, 'As God will!'
And, trusting to the end, hold still."
~Julius Sturm

Streams in the Desert Devotional for July 4th

"It takes a long time for some pensioners to learn that delays are not denials. Ah, there are secrets of love and wisdom in the 'Delayed Blessings Department,' which are little dreamt of! Men would pluck their mercies green when the Lord would have them ripe. 'Therefore will the Lord WAIT, that He may be gracious unto you' (Isa. 30:18). He is watching in the hard places and will not allow one trial too many; He will let the dross be consumed, and then He will come gloriously to your help. Do not grieve Him by doubting His love. Nay, lift up your head, and begin to praise Him even now for the deliverance which is on the way to you, and you will be abundantly rewarded for the delay which has tried your faith."

"O thou of little faith,
God hath not failed thee yet!
When all looks dark and gloomy,T
hou dost so soon forget--
Forget that He has led thee,
And Gently cleared thy way;
On clouds has poured His sunshine,
And turned thy night to day.
And if He's helped thee hitherto,
He will not fail thee now;
How it must wound His loving heart
To see thy anxious brow!
Oh! doubt not any longer,
To Him commit your way,
Whom in the past thou trusted,
And is just the same today."

Seriously Pray

So the trip is officially two weeks away and still no passport. Please keep praying. I've emailed and tried to call but the circuits were "overloaded." I'm gettin' a little nervous about it. The Lord knows what He's doing, but I need to bump up my faith about the whole thing.

Scenic Routes?

I don't want to sound like a weirdo, but I love to take long drives sometimes. Especially at night when not as many drivers are clogging up the freeways. My only problem is that (other than the route to Montana), I don't know many good driving routes. The other night I just drove up the 57 North for about 45 minutes, but I'd be more likely to drive farther/longer if I just knew where I was going. Does anyone have any ideas of good driving routes that tend to be fairly traffic free?

To Be or Not To Be Offended

Has anyone ever said something to you that was kind of offensive but you don't think they meant it maliciously? I was just told by another teacher that she thinks she inherited my "grumpy parent face" that I apparently have on during chapel when I'm here at work. What do I make of that? Does that mean that I just go around with a huge disappointed look on my face? Or should I be secure that just because I don't have a permanent smile plastered on my face and choose to communicate nonverbally with the kids through my facial expressions...that doesn't mean that I actually am grumpy, right?! I hate insults delivered with a smile. I never know what to do with them.

Passport Worries

So I got something from the "Authorities" that they are processing my passport application (for those of you who are unawares, I lost my passport in one of the last several moves over the past two years). I went online to track it, and the computer says the travel authorites haven't received my application yet. I'm getting a little worried. So please pray! I'm not usually this disorganized/irresponsible with something so important to me. Guess I'll just have to do that whole faith thing and trust in the Lord to provide :)

Lame Attempt

So I've never actually tried this whole blog thing before, but a few people have hinted that it's a great way to stay in touch...so here we go. Please excuse the lame first attempt. I'll try to make it better when I have time to sit down for more than a few minutes and actually figure out what I'm supposed to do. If you have any ideas, let me know. Then again, no one knows that I have even created this yet, so I'm guessing the advice is going to be pretty scarce.